Life at CLM

Well I have officially been at CLM for about a month now. I am finally getting to writing this blog. Sorry for the delay; it has been hard to just sit down and write about my experience so far.
CLM is a place that makes me forget about all things before it. Only being here three weeks, sometimes it is hard for me to remember what I did before going on this trip.
I am going to attempt to sum up some of things I have learned and what CLM is like. Within three weeks I have learned a lot and I can tell that God has big plans. Right now at CLM they are still on summer break, so there is a lot of free time and no schedule. During the week the kids get up have breakfast, and then after that they have their morning chores. After chores they have free time until lunch. Then after lunch there is even more free time until their snack and then they swim, have showers and then supper. To end the night we either play games or watch movies. Things are pretty laid back and the kids can decide what they want to do. Sometimes this can cause major chaos!
When I first arrived I really had no idea what I was supposed to do during the day so I spent alot of time just playing with the kids or just helping however I could. When I arrived there was a short- termer here and her name is Kristen. Right now she is at Turvo but she was a blessing. I know that God knew what I needed and gave me her as a friend. She was so helpful and really showed me everything because all the full-timers were busy preparing for Loeci's wedding. I actually came at a very crazy time where everyone was busy. Kristen was someone who really helped me settle in and we built a friendship. She was such a blessing and now looking back I can see that she was God given. The beginning of this trip would have been so difficult without her.
Kristen is at Turvo helping while some of the missionaries there are on their vacation. So while she is gone from Entre Rios I have taken over all her responsibilities. This worked out very smoothly because at the beginning of my trip I helped her with what she was doing, so when she left I had already seen what she did every day.
My schedule during the week is to wake up generally between 7 or 8. On Wednesday and Friday's I make breakfast for the kids. But every morning I bathe the two youngest girls (Hellen 2 and Maria Luiza 1). So in the mornings I bathe them and feed them. After that I watch Maria Luiza and clean up. Generally I go up to the singles apartment, get some breakfast and clean up after the night before, all while Maria Luiza is with me. Then I clean the baby's room. The whole time watching Maria Luiza. I have been amazed at what I can accomplish with her she is a pretty happy baby. Maria has alot of breathing problems so I have to give her medicine and an inhalation that takes about 15-minutes. Sometimes she will fall asleep when I do it but other time she will just not have it. After her medicine is completed I put her down for her nap. Then one of my jobs is to set the table for lunch. So for almost 2 weeks this has been my schedule, but it took a while before I knew what I was supposed to do because the missionaries were busy and didn't have time to go over it with me. I completely understood because they had so much planning and events to take care of.
So that my the morning. I generally clean and take care of Maria Luiza, who happens to be the cutest baby on the planet!! I love spending time with her and just watching her. She does the cutest things. Lately she has been imitating what I do, which is super cute. She also likes to help me. She is really good at helping me pick up things; she gets really excited.
Then after lunch I just help with whatever until 3 which is snack time. But before that I usually play with the kids or fold and sort laundry. Then after snack they swim, and I love swimming with them. It is a really good workout. But so many times it will rain right at three, so I think today was only my 3rd or 4th time to swim. Today was a beautiful day; it didn't rain once. Mike was counting and he said that it had rained like 16-days in a row. The rain is pretty short; it doesn't last long but it just come at a very inconvenient time.
Each day is very unique, and I have trying to make sure that I journal about every special moment. I will try to share some of those special moments with you. First was the wedding. That was really cool to be there for. Loeci is to sweet, and I was so glad that I had the privilege to experience the first wedding to take place on the grounds of CLM. There was alot of excitement in the air and all the kids got to dress up for it. Everyone wore pretty summer hats. At first I thought the whole hat thing was kind of inconvenient, but they turned out to be very helpful. It actually sprinkled through out the wedding that was held out doors. The wedding was very pretty with a sea of colorful summer hats. So not only were the hats helpful, but they were very pretty. The wedding seemed to go pretty fast, and then we ate a very nice meal and then had to clean up. After that I played an epic game of tag with some of the kids, and we continued to play other games until bed. Overall it was one of my favorite days.
Another big day was when I went with Mike and Mary to a waterfall with some of the older kids. It was an amazing yet challenging experience. First we had to take the combies and drive two hours to get there. Then to the waterfall there was 45 minutes of weeds and forest terrain to trek through and then the next 45 minutes we spent climbing over rocks and then we finally got to the waterfall. The way to the waterfall was so much fun! I loved climbing over all the rocks. Some it was kind of dangerous, but very exciting. I loved trying to figure out the best approach to climbing over the rocks. At point you would have to swing out on a vine and I totally felt like Tarzan. It was awesome. So I think the best part was right before we arrived at the waterfall. Once we did the water was so harsh that you couldn't look at it or it would spray you right in the eyes. At first some of the kids went closer and I wanted to but I didn't know if I could handle the pressure of the water. Then Mike and I decided to climb high and meet up with some of the kids. So while Mary stayed behind with some of the other kids Mike and I climbed up the side that was muddy and full of weeds. The closer we go the more it sprayed with force.
In the presence of this powerful waterfall it seemed like an analogy of God to me. Under the constant spray of the water I felt helpless. When we were nearing the waterfall there was a nice mist but once we got closer we were completely soaked. I think everyone's impression of God is that he is so loving. He is a God of love but with that he is mighty and powerful. I feel like the more we strive to be near God we see how powerful he is and how truly helpless we are. In the mist of that waterfall is where I want to be, humble and helpless under the downpour of a mighty, mighty God!!
Going to that waterfall was a great experience and great workout! The way back was alot harder and all of us fell asleep on the ride home:)
Those are two very memorable moments from my trip so far.
While being here I have already learned to depend on God for so much. Here in Brazil he has been the person I run to, and I feel like he is really going to change me over the course of this trip.
Recently, I feel like I have learned to look at this trip with a different approach then before. Mike and Mary Cochran are missionaries here the have helped me to realize this new approach. I have had separate conversations with them but they both had the same helpful advise.
One day Mike talked to me and said that my ministry is not about the kids. He said that a lot of people come here thinking they want God to help them make a difference. He said that comes second, but first is that during this experience you allow God to develop you and change you in an amazing way. He said that first you want God to change you so you can go home a completely new person. So when your focused on that development with the Lord everything else will be an overflow from the growth of the heavenly relationship with the Father. I thought it was really cool how he explained it, and I see how I came here thinking it was all about being here to help the kids.
Just today Mary talked to me about how Jesus' ministry had three parts: the multitudes, the intimacy with his disciples, and then his heavenly father. Mary said she thinks of the kids as the multitudes and then the disciples as the other missionaries you can talk to and then your time with God. She pointed out that his ministry could not have just been the multitudes because then he couldn't have had that intimate teaching and time with the disciples or the alone time with his Father. I really liked that analogy, that ministry can not just be the multitude because the multitude always need help. So here I could give and give to the kids but then I could have the wrong attitude toward the dishes that needed cleaned or spend my time on one more kid to bathe or one more diaper to change instead of taking time to be with God and have him fill me so it overflows on the kids. Both Mike and Mary stressed the importance of bringing Life back into my life by reading my bible, going for a walk, riding a bike, anything that will take me away and get me refocused with God. Basically most of my trip I felt guilty taking time away from the kids. Then, again, Mary stressed that you have to take a break to come back more refocused. It made sense. I just always felt bad being in my room if I knew there was something I could help with. But with both conversation with Mike and Mary I felt like God really used them to teach me. After both conversations I felt fulfilled knowing that this journey about how God is going to change me in a crazy way and from that I will have an overflow of love that will spill of the kids. So the impact will be this entire trip and not just what I can do for the kids. Because I will never be able to have a big enough impact on them in 6 months time but I can leave an impression with the Lord's help and go home a new person who has been carved and changed by the Potter's hands. Mike told me that this trip is like my spiritual journey on fast forward. He said that in this stressful situation God is going to teach me alot about myself. I knew even before going on this trip that I would come home changed but I see that some of this change is going to hurt, but I am excited to see what plans God has.
Mike also talked about my expectations with the kids. He gave me an analogy of the kids comparing them to a person who loses a limb. He mentioned that once someone loses a limb it doesn't grow back. God could make it grow back he has the power, but we have never seen that happen to anyone. In the same way the kids have lost a part of themselves that is really hard to grow back, and rarely does it happen. When a person loses a limb they have to learn to adapt whether that my be using a crutch or prosthetic limb. The kids here have had to learn to adapt and survive through ways of stealing, and manipulation. He told me that we can't have expectations of normal kids because these kids have been through so much. I think that is one thing I have done. I just expect what I usually expect from the kids at home. At Camp of Champions where I am a counselor I have high expectation for the kids there, but here that is something I have recently learned; I just can't expect normal behavior.
Mike also told me that alot of times you have to just love these kids and expect nothing in return. He told me that you could think you are building a strong relationship with one of the kids and then you could do something little to upset them and they won't talk to you. He warned me not to take anything too personally, which is hard for me. I think I tend to take everything personally, so I think that will be one of the hardest things, to love them even though they might not love me back. It almost scares me. So I think it was helpful that he warned me of that. I can already see that God is going to teach me alot!!!
I have to say that one of my favorite things is saying goodnight to the kids. I love saying a special goodnight to each individual kid. Lately, I have been praying a lot over them, just praying that God would just surround them with his presence so the enemy would have no room to attack. That has been really neat to feel God's presence as I pray over them. I love just talking to God about them and he allows me to see his great love for these precious children. I love praying over Maria as I rock her to sleep in my arms. When she is in my arms I just see from God's view how he created her and loves her with a love that will never end.
Well that sums up alot of what is happening here and what I have learned. Sorry it took me forever to write you this!
I want to leave you with a song that just explains the cry of my heart and thought about this trip:) If you have never heard this song please look it up and every other song that this band has written; they are amazing. A lot of times I will listen to their songs in my room to refocus and worship God.

You Are (Tenth Avenue North)
Lord of empty space
You breathe and then create
Before the earth was made
You are
The King of every age
Outside of time and space
The heavens speak Your name
You are
You are

Lord of brilliant light
You separate the night
And everything inside
You are
The One who calms the seas
And every part of me
With just a word You speak
You are
You are.

I give You all of me for all You are
Here I am
Take me apart
Take me apart
I give You all of me for all You are
Here I am
Take me apart
Take me apart

Angels bowing down
Beneath the rushing sound
A voice that thunders out
You are
The one who holds the stars
And the beating of my heart
Exalted above all
You are
You are

(Chorus)
All I am I want to lay down at Your feet